Love is complicated and sometimes painful. People yearn for affection, acceptance and sympathy but are not always on the same page. Sometimes there are external factors that keep people apart like distance, other people(family, friends and frenemies etc) and other times the people who are already in the relationship, cause a lot of drama and problems to their significant others and to themselves in the end. In this post i am going to address some issues that pop up in romantic relationships, are very common and really destroy anything good existing between two people. Obviously i will analyse those problems that are “internal”, meaning caused by the individuals themselves. Jealousy, competitiveness, abusive behavior(verbal, emotional, mental, physical), infidelity and so many more are so common these days…It is honestly so sad and so wrong when people sabotage their own relationships and themselves. It’s like they are the creators of their own misery.
So, thinking some things over, i tried to make a list about all these things that make people grow apart and where love was once, now there is hatred.
Most of them are from my personal experience with people and some are from what friends have experienced so far. So, without further delay, here is the list of relationship dealbreakers:
#1 Controlling and Abusive Behavior
This is a red flag and a NO NO….As soon as you realize that a person treats their fellows in an abusive and controlling manner, then get away from that person ASAP!
However, it is not easy to spot this kind of behavior in the first stages of the relationship. Most of the times, in the beginning, people spot things like jealousy and they think it is cute that his/her girlfriend/boyfriend is afraid that maybe there is a third party in their relationship….they feel valued and important and wanted, thus failing to understand the significance of jealousy. The jealous party may start to question you about your whereabouts, your friends and throw tantrums or even make public scenes! Most of the times, if things get there they can only escalate and even turn to physical violence.
Most of the times, abuse and control are found in people with severe narcissistic and sociopathic tendencies, which means that these people are not to be relied on, even when they swear they’ll change, simply because they are sick and deranged individuals.
You should better stay away from them at all costs and don’t retaliate. This would only bring the worst in them and it is true that people don’t change. It is was it is.
Well, this is something that is found in relationships were there is a significant difference in the amount of money each partner earns. Back in the day women would stay at home to raise children and have no money whatsoever. In later years, women would work as well but most of the times where underpaid and their salary was way lower than that of the husband’s. Thus men still remained the providers of the family and this financial superiority would also give them an ego boost and a sense of extreme self importance were they would bicker about their wives and call them lazy or useless and sometimes even resorted in financial blackmail.
e.g.”You can’t leave me because i am the one who brings the money and feeds the kids so unless you wanna end up in the streets, you’ll do as i say”
Nowadays, things have changed a lot. Most women are financially independent and in many cases earn quite a lot of money. That sometimes has a strange effect on some men who prefer the more traditional role women had back in the day and feel uncomfortable with a strong, opinionated and financially independent woman by their side.
Mostly they try to compete with her bicker and nag about what she says, how she dresses and about the way she spends her money.
This is not productive at all and competitiveness has no place in a loving relationship were the parties involved should be more like comrades and supporters of one another.
#3 Lack of Interaction with Friends and Family
I am a Greek native and for us family means a lot. We have large families and most of the times everybody has really close relationships with everyone else. I don’t know why this happens but that’s the way it is. It doesn’t matter how close the blood relation is, as long as we can have some contact with one another, we are one big family. Having that kind of image in our minds, most of us have a lot of friends(generally but not always) who we treat like family if they really prove themselves to be good people. So, to me it seems strange when some people say: “i don’t have friends”….I just don’t get how this can happen to anyone.
Of course i understand that not all family members are easy to get along and of course i support people who distance themselves from someone toxic in their life, even if that person is family. On the other hand, i just think that among all those people one interacts with everyday, there has to be someone who they could get along with..unless there is something wrong with the person that keeps him/her away from others.
Besides that, it is important for people to have friendships and not rely solely on their significant other. To have a life of their own when their significant other is away.
Sometimes people(mostly women) think that the ultimate goal in life to find someone to marry and have kids with. Maybe that’s a dream of theirs, maybe that’s what their family said to them when they were little… Whatever the case is, if feel that believing such a thing makes a person overtly dependent and suffocating in a relationship.
Here is my though on this:
“I believe that our purpose in life is to become the best we can be and also the version of us that we personally like, not what people want us to be or society need’s us to be. So, ourselves is the “main dish” we must focus on and make it a “tasty and nutritious dish in itself”. Work, partners etc are the “sauces” we add to make the “main dish” tastier than what it already is, not to substitute the “main dish” with a “sauce”…..i guess what i am trying to say is that we need to work on ourselves first and be interesting, intriguing, motivated and independent, not weak, clingy and easily manipulated. We need to know who we are, not expect others to define our existence and validate us, because when that external validation is lost then we won’t know who we are anymore”
I guess that all guys.. Please let me know in the comments below:
“What is your relationship dealbreakers?”
I hope you enjoyed my post and until next time, stay precious little diamonds xox !